Abyss and Rejection

Over the weekend, the previous rumor that had dug into my soul and crushed my ability to make comrade friends on twitter reared its ugly head. I also found out that the previous redemption I had had with a girl that I was crazy about was all smoke and mirrors. I asked directly if this person wanted to be friends and they told me they didn’t want to be friends. This along with the other whirlwind of emotions caused me to leave the social media site and begin a weekend that was set to be one of the saddest I … Continue reading Abyss and Rejection

Validation under quarantine

I have spoken briefly about my experience being part of comrade twitter. I have spoken about my fall from grace in the eyes of the social media public. I want to ruminate on how in the future I can prevent myself from being so desperate in friendships. It all comes from a need for validation. Now we are a social species and validation is important. My own brain makeup is such that I react stronger than other people do to perceived or real rejection. I have my weaknesses but this doesn’t mean I cannot adapt. The first step is to … Continue reading Validation under quarantine

My worst enemy

I miss our talks. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss the comraderie. In the end I was the knive in my own back. My foolish vision blinded again and again. I couldn’t stand to be without that feeling of being valid. The fear it drives me again and again. You draw away afraid of the demon that lies within me. I curse myself and try to lock the demon away. But it is too late. The demon is always there. I am always there. I cannot bear to keep the pain, the anger, the sadness the … Continue reading My worst enemy

Feeling broken

Have you ever looked at someone having a good time or complimenting each other in real time and know you can’t be part of it? That is how I feel right now. I am an outsider looking in after once being a part of it. Why do I feel such a compulsion to go back and check? I know it will make me miserable. I have built these awful habits and all they do is make me miserable. I have such anger and sadness in my heart right now. I hate how bitter and angry I feel about everything. The … Continue reading Feeling broken

Regrets and lefty twitter

For a brief time in the last three weeks I was riding high for the first time in this hell year. I was a part of an online rising slew of leftist accounts and was making new connections and friendships. For the first time on Twitter, my feed wasn’t depressing. I was meeting new people online who shared my values and goals. It was incredible and was a bright spot in this hellish world. It all came crashing down on 9/3. I was accused of something very serious and was blacklisted by major accounts in the movement. I had created … Continue reading Regrets and lefty twitter

Depths

I keep falling and falling, into the depths. Why can’t I escape from the crushing abyss? What folly is this that I keep on going? What coward am I? I have felt the numbness seeping into my soul. The cloying taint of death and of corruption saps my spirit. I am barely keeping it above the surface. Below lies the depths. The depths of fear, of regret, of hatred, of self-hatred, of sadness. It goes beyond mere emotion. What fool am I? That battered soul clamoring for that hope which hath doomed him. I am doomed but can I climb? … Continue reading Depths

Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade Review

Fire Emblem is my favorite video game franchise, slightly above the Legend of Zelda, and Ace Attorney. I have decided to review every entry in the series I have played through completely at least once. The categories I will judging this series on will be as follows: Gameplay- How well does the game play? Is the control intuitive? Etc Accessibility- Does the game serve as easy to pick up and play? Does it serve as a good entry for new players? Does the game reward this accessibility if it has it? Graphics- How well is the game presented? This is … Continue reading Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade Review

The Dawn comes: the story of the Red Hashtag

In the heart of the capitalist nation, a lone hashtag would unite all the comrades on social media. This is probably a really really silly way to talk about something as simple as a hashtag going viral but in the hell year of 2020 all of us on the left needed a good thing to happen. Before I say this though, the two progressive juggernauts Jamaal Bowman and Cori Bush would run as leftists and defeat Establishment mainstays Elliot Engel and Lacy Clay. This was a blip of hope in this sea of despair and no doubt it helped set … Continue reading The Dawn comes: the story of the Red Hashtag

Cries about Cancel Culture are silly

It seems that one of the topics I often get most angry about these days are when powerful people are crying about how open debate and the free exchange of ideas are not being valued for overly ideological younger people and partisans. Often the free speech crazies target the left, demonizing them as totalitarian snowflakes that cannot tolerate another point of view and hide in safe spaces to avoid being “triggered”. Often this is a thinly veiled sneering contempt for their own retrograde beliefs that under any real scrutiny is pathetic and does not even qualify as an idea worthy … Continue reading Cries about Cancel Culture are silly

Shade Rants: Laughing at Reactionaries

Warning, this is a segment that is meant to be very vulgar and explosive in nature. There is some reasoning but is mostly an excuse to vent. Reader discretion is advised…. I often see my fellow lefties or liberals laughing at especially ridiculous reactionary media figures or even the President of the United States. I do not find any of the following people funny: Donald Trump, Alex Jones, Glenn Beck, Ben Shapiro, Jessie Lee Peterson, and Dave Rubin. I value dunking on pieces of garbage like Shapiro but I do not think laughing at Alex Jones and his insanity are … Continue reading Shade Rants: Laughing at Reactionaries

Shade Reviews: Animal Crossing New Horizons

Animal Crossing has always been an odd duck amongst Nintendo’s strong main franchises. Introduced for the Nintendo Gamecube, this life simulation game with cute animals and a real time game clock, was immediately beloved by its own niche of hardcore fans. It was a game that was difficult to explain to folks because of the mundane things you actually did in game. However, you cannot really understand the appeal unless you actually play it. The most recent entry for the Nintendo Switch, Animal Crossing New Horizons, is one of the rare moments, where a release date delay can really make … Continue reading Shade Reviews: Animal Crossing New Horizons